If confidence were sold in a bottle, every woman I know would have it stocked on her shelf. Maybe you would, too. Because if you’re like most women, you want more of it. You want to walk into a meeting and feel at ease. Speak up and know your words carry weight. Feel comfortable in your own skin, no matter the moment.
Many women believe confidence should come before action, that you need to feel 100% certain before stepping forward. That is a tough challenge because we’ve been socialized to doubt ourselves, and when we do display confidence, it’s seen as a negative.
In reality, confidence grows through experience—through trying, learning, and sometimes even failing. Just as confidence isn’t sold in a bottle, it doesn’t come from waiting to feel ready. Confidence comes from taking action before you feel ready.
Think back to learning something new, like riding a bike. You wobbled, maybe you fell—but with every attempt, you got better. It’s the same with bigger things, like public speaking, leadership, or any situation where you want to feel more sure of yourself. It takes practice before you get good at it.
If taking action sounds scary, you’re not alone. But here’s the thing. You don’t have to take giant leaps to build your confidence. Small, intentional steps can make all the difference. Maybe that means speaking up in a meeting. Sharing your thoughts in a conversation that matters. Or volunteering to help with a new project at work, just to practice your skills in real time.
And the best part? It’s okay if you fail! Every step forward builds your confidence, no matter the outcome. Even if things don’t go perfectly, you’ll learn, adjust, and keep growing.
So instead of buying confidence in a bottle, you can make your own. One of my favorite ways to do this is the 10 Year Test. For this, you simply ask yourself, “Will it matter 10 years from now?”
I used the 10 Year Test to feel confident enough to ask an industry leader to partner with me on a project. It went something like this: “If I talk to this person and she declines, will it matter 10 years from now?“
That’s when I realized, in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn’t truly matter if she agreed to help me. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even remember asking her in 10 years. So I asked her. And guess what? She said “yes,” and Amplify was born.
Six years later, the program has reached more than 500 people and is still growing. Amplify has been the most fulfilling professional experience of my life, and it all started with a small action – a simple conversation – that was inspired by the 10 Year Test.
What is something you’ve been wanting to achieve that has felt a bit scary or intimidating? Ask yourself, “Will this matter 10 years from now?” Will it matter if you speak up in a meeting and no one agrees with what you say? Will it matter if you flub your lines during a presentation? It might matter in the moment, and maybe next week. Heck, it may matter a month from now. But 10 years? Probably not.
Try out the 10 Year Test and see what happens. I think you’ll be surprised by the perspective it gives you to take action. Confidence hacks like the 10 Year Test are the quickest and easiest way to increase your confidence. You can use them at work, at home, and everywhere in between.
So, ask yourself:
- What do I truly wish I had the confidence to pursue? Take a moment to reflect and create a list of 3-5 things you believe you could achieve — if only you could step aside and embrace your own awesomeness.
- What is one small action that I could take to build my confidence to do it? This is the teeniest, tiniest action of them all. Typically, it involves sending an email (no joke).
- If I take that teeny, tiny action and if it fails, “Will it matter matter 10 years from now?” Besides getting pregnant, I really can’t think of anything that will matter to me 10 years from now, and fortunately, I am 100% menopausal.
- Take the action and see what happens. I promise, you will be okay, regardless of the outcome. If you just can’t bring yourself to take the action, go back to Step 2 and find a smaller action that feels doable.
And remember this – even if you fail, you win. That small action will give you new perspectives, connect you with resources and even people who can help. It will build your confidence.
So go ahead, take the action. And then let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to send me a message or email.
And remember – sharing is caring. Send this to your besties and give them the gift of confidence, too.
xoxoako
amplify-you.org 